Fool Quiz
Working at
Home
January 21, 1998
1) Once you decide to set up a business in your home, you should check your community for what kind of ordinance?
1. Prison Ordinance
2. Sonic Boom Permit
3. Pandering and Soliciting
4. Cardinal Number Ordinance
5. Zoning Ordinance
2) If you will be incorporated or have employees, what do you need to get from the IRS?
1. A Special Papal Dispensation
2. An IRA
3. An EIN
4. An ISAPI
5. A COM
3) DBA stands for:
1. Dumb But Assertive
2. Doing Business As
3. Don't Bungle Anything
4. Dead Body Action
5. Double Blind Application
4) Your first news release should follow certain standards. Namely, it should:
1. Mention Princess Di, somehow
2. Say "Reuters"
3. Have a Tehran dateline
4. Lead with the five w's -- (who, what, where, when & why)
5. Lead with the five g's -- (grunt, groan, giggle, gaggle, and goose)
5) The number of people who currently run their own business from home is:
1. Less than 10 million
2. 10-20 million
3. 20-30 million
4. 30-40 million
5. Over 40 million
6) The number of people who currently work as salaried employees (telecommuters) from home is:
1. Less than 10 million
2. 10-20 million
3. 20-30 million
4. 30-40 million
5. Over 40 million
7) The number of people making six-figure salaries from home-based businesses is about:
1. Less than 100,000
2. 500,000 to 1 million
3. 1 million to 1,500,000
4. More than 1,500,000
5. None of the above
8) The working-at-home market is now a $427 billion industry. This is true:
1. For the Deep South Only
2. For the World at Large
3. For the U.S. of A.
4. For the people who spam-mail you with business opportunities
5. For Better or Worse (Oh Wait. That's
last week's quiz).
9) "SOHO" stands for:
1. South of Huston Street
2. Small Office/Home Office
3. Short Office/High Office
4. Single Ostrich/Happy Ocelot
5. Single white male seeks Ocelot to Heed Orders
10) A national organization for small businesses goes by the acronym:
1. HOAA - Home Office Association of America
2. HOOHA - Home Office or Home Administrators
3. HEEHAW - Home Event Execution and Highway Administration Wonkers
4. HODA - House and Office Development Association
5. YODA - Young, Orderly Distrustful, and Angry
Answers:
1) Zoning Ordinance. If you thought it was a Sonic Boom Permit, and your last name isn't McDonnel, Douglas, or Boeing, then you might be trying to build fighter jets. Though you may well be talented in this arena, we don't think it best suited to being run out of your den.
2) You'll need an Employer's Identification Number (EIN). The IRS doesn't give out IRAs, last we heard. Computer geeks will recognize ISAPI and COM as Internet Server Application Program Interface, and Component Object Model, respectively. The IRS disavows any knowledge of, or connection with, the Pope.
3) DBA stands for "Doing Business As." It's a form you need to file. "Double-blind" is a term referring to a scientific study protocol, though it may also refer to the perceptive abilities of the people you have to file with down at the DBA office.
4) Your first news release should lead with the five w's -- (who, what, where, when and why). If you thought it was the five g's, you probably shouldn't be starting a business. You may, however, be a wonderful companion for that special someone.
5) At least 41 million people now run their own business from home.
6) Something like 7.6 million people in the U.S. work as telecommuters. It is unknown what percentage of them are, in addition, telepathic. This remains a matter for further study, possibly in conjunction with a plot line from The X-Files.
7) Close to 2 million people make six figures from home-based businesses. If you guessed #5, "none of the above," then you chose something which is logically impossible. Yes, you may still be able to start your own business at home, but hire someone else to do payroll.
8) The U.S. work-at-home market is a $427 billion industry. Gotta get us a piece of that.
9) SOHO stands for small office/home office. The New Yorkers among you may have been tempted to answer "South of Huston Street," but only if you neglected our cleverly planted spelling mistake. It's "Houston," not "Huston." Unless you're talking of the filmmaker, in which case we aren't sure where south of him would be. Good. Now spell "catarrh."
10) HOAA - Home Office Association of America. The others are all made up, and, if strung together, form the sounds made by a large person in the throes of hysterical laughter.
--David Wolpe (TMF Dbunk)