I watched theme restaurant chain stocks take off like rockets: Planet Hollywood, Rainforest Cafe, Dave & Buster's, Hard Rock Cafe. I read MF Edible's report on food-related stocks. And now, I wanted a piece of the action. Who could blame me?

I've learned some lessons along the way, though. I'm no longer eager to jump onto a stock that's careening skyward without doing my homework first. What homework, you ask? Check out the 13 Steps to Investing Foolishly. Researching companies before investing in them has become such an ingrained instinct now that in my sleep I often have un-Foolish investing nightmares. I dream that I've opened my brokerage account statement and there, before my unbelieving eyes, are dozens of high-flying companies that I've apparently bought without much thought. Then I wake up abruptly, my heart beating wildly and my hands shaking.

But back to wide-eyed reality. It had taken me a while to find a themed "eater-tainment" chain to invest in, but at long last, I found it. Specializing in all things potato-related, BOISE! CAFE <% if gsSubBrand = "aolsnapshot" then Response.Write("(Nasdaq: SPUD)") else Response.Write("(Nasdaq: SPUD)") end if %> seemed pretty darn perfect. "Spud-tacular!" the ads raved.

I ordered my investor's package and carefully read through it. I pored through the annual report, enjoying the glossy photos of proud potato farmers. I scoured the balance sheet, income statement, and cash flow statement. Admittedly, there were no earnings yet, but the concept was so appealing to me that I read on. The package included a bunch of press releases, so I read up on the opening of the latest Boise! Cafe -- in Times Square, no less. I also read of preliminary scientific research that suggests that potato starch might be effective in reducing acne and straightening curved spines. (It's not often that you run across a combination eater-tainment/biotech firm! This company had all the promise of Diana Corporation, the food distribution/networking company. See why I was so excited?)

Many Fools might think that this was enough research. But not me! Since I live in Ohio, I thought it wouldn't be too far to drive to the corporate headquarters in... Boise, Idaho. I wanted to see if I could talk with management or some employees, or at least look over the facilities. Well, it turns out that I need to start doing more geography homework, in addition to my investing homework. The fact that I got there by cab didn't make much sense in retrospect, either. ($4,677 for a cab ride was kind of steep.)

Anyway. It was a bright and clear afternoon when I stepped onto the grounds of Boise! Cafe headquarters. Much to my surprise, I was able to meet with management. I was impressed with their smarts, as well as with their 24 carat gold potato lapel pins. I bought a few in their gift store. At dinnertime, I headed over to check out the company's first Boise! Cafe establishment, located in Boise itself. I prepared myself for the bustling throngs of people, the noise, the hubbub. I also figured that this location would probably be busier than elsewhere because of the local enthusiasm for potatoes.

Well, I was wrong. I couldn't believe it. The place was empty. The decor was breathtaking, with potato peels covering the rough wooden floor. But the only people I saw were three waitpersons playing cards in a corner.

I was crushed. Could it be that no other people shared my excitement over the potato motif? Disappointed, I turned around to leave, and bumped into a sinister looking character with a mustache styled with some sort of smelly slick-um. He smiled. My hair stood on end before I even realized I was looking at the villainous Dr. Mortimer Stocktout! I turned and ran. He followed. Fortunately for me, his black cape slowed him down a mite.

I found myself back at Boise! Cafe headquarters, with the odoriferous Dr. Stocktout closing in on me. "What's the matter? Why aren't you going to buy this baby?" he yelled. "This is a great company, remember? Think about the press releases, the cure for acne!"

I was running through the company's baked potato preparation facility. Dr. Stocktout was still touting. "Hey, come here! I've got a phone with me -- let's order you some shares of Boise! Cafe. Just a few -- it's going through the roof! Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for a long, long time!"

I didn't know what to do. By this time, we were on the catwalks above the automatic potato foil-wrapping unit. Potatoes were dropping from above us into a big iron box and then emerged all wrapped in foil, ready to be packed into crates and trucked to Boise! Cafes across the country.

I was about to give in to Dr. Stocktout, as I was tired of running and didn't want to smell him any more. I figured I'd just buy a few shares and he'd go away.

All of a sudden, a grappling hook swung by us and latched onto the catwalk, and Ms. Motli Fool pulled herself up a rope onto our level. She spoke. "Stocktout, you vile, rank wretch! Leave this Fool be! There's no reason for any levelheaded person to buy shares of Boise! Cafe."

She continued. "And there's a very good reason to not buy any shares."

What was the very good reason that Ms. Fool offered?

1) Companies based in Idaho have been proven to not perform as well as companies based in West Virginia.

2) Boise! Cafes have yet to show any profits.

3) Teenagers and adults secretly enjoy acne and the market for a treatment will be small.

4) The upcoming debut of Lubbock Lounges is likely to overshadow Boise! Cafes.

Answer: 2) Boise!

Cafes have yet to show any profits.

Once Ms. Fool had spoken, she pushed Dr. Stocktout off the catwalk. He fell into the potato-wrapping machine and was heard to yelp, "Rats! Foiled again!"

Fools should think long and hard before investing in any companies that are not earning profits. Sure, some might be on their way to riches, but others might fizzle. Why not stick with companies that have proven themselves a little by bringing in more money than they spend?

It's also hard to value companies which are not earning anything. The price-to-earnings (P/E) ratio? Impossible to figure. Likewise with the Fool Ratio (aka PEG). For such companies, looking at numbers like the price-to-sales ratio (PSR) can be helpful.

Just remember that for every enticing company without earnings, there are other just-as-attractive or more attractive candidates for your investment dollars -- candidates with track records. Who knows -- perhaps in a few years, Lubbock Lounges or Boise! Cafes will be a hot ticket. Or is that a hot potato?

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