The Hitchhiking Wise
By Rick "The Mummy" Munarriz (TMF Edible)

Squinting and sleepy, Alexander Hope tried his best to stay awake as he looked out at the dreary night through his rain-pelted windshield. A coffee shop would be nice. A warm bed would be nicer. As his eyelids began to close, he rubbed his eyes open only to find someone standing on the roadside just 50 feet away.

He slammed on the brakes and skidded off the road, barely missing the pedestrian. He lowered his window to find a drenched middle-aged woman, scared pale.

"I am so sorry," he said. "Are you okay?"

She nodded her head. "I just need to get home."

Alexander normally never would have stopped to pick up a hitchhiker but, given the circumstances, the swirl of boredom, and his genuine guilt, he offered her a ride. She introduced herself as Crystal Wood and explained that her house was just a few miles down the road.

"I am rich you know," she told him out of the blue. "I mean, you'll see my house. You'll see I have done quite well."

She went on to tell him how her stock broker put her money into a series of unit investment trusts and picked out some promising penny stocks to invest in for her fiscal future.

"My broker has made me into what I am today!"

Alexander lent her a dry smile. He had no need to pass judgment on his soaked passenger. Her money was her business, or her broker's business -- whatever the case may have been. She guided him down an unpaved road, overcome with weeds, until they arrived at a dilapidated mansion. The place looked abandoned, although it must have been an architectural wonder when it was once cared for.

"See, I told you," she said. "Home sweet home."

With that, she flung the car door open and went back out into the rain. As Alexander backed out, she navigated her way through the rotting front porch steps then turned to thank him.

"Be careful now," she told him. "It's a dangerous road you are driving on, and I should know."

Alexander was a bit spooked now. Who was this mysterious hitchhiker? Was she real? Thankfully, soon after he got back on the main road, the shiny neon of an all-night diner beckoned him. The rain had receded to a light drizzle and he was glad to find a greasy-spoon eatery where he could unwind. Still, he was rattled, and it showed. He found a table and ordered some eggs, bacon, and a cup of coffee.

"Man," said the short-order cook, "You look like you have just seen a ghost."

"I'll be alright," Alexander said. "I just took a hitchhiker back to her place, and it's something I don't normally do."

The patrons, apparently all locals, turned to face Alexander. One patron gasped. Another just shook his head.

"Crystal Wood, right?"

"How did you know?"

"Crystal always shows up on nights like these," the cook said, Alexander's reflection smeared on a raised, egg-ridden spatula. "Ten years ago today she was the richest woman in town. She lived in the most lavish estate imaginable. You probably dropped her off there. Well, then she had an accident."

"I knew it," Alexander shouted. "I just picked up a hitchhiking ghost!"

"No, no, no," the cook replied. "Her accident was that she entrusted her life savings to a broker who was not looking out for her best interests. She went broke and now lives in a shack behind her old mansion. Her car was repossessed years ago."

"That's why she hitchhikes?"

The cook nodded. "So, how do you want your eggs?"

"Sunny side up," Alexander said. "Please."