By Bill Mann (TMF Otter) and Rick Munarriz (TMF Edible)

(Dec. 21, 1999)

Top 10 Tired Corporate Buzzwords

1. Paradigm
2. Solutions (Bedding Solutions, Communications Solutions, etc.)
3. Value-Added (Still waiting for a a value-subtracted solution)
4. Going Forward ("On a going forward basis…")
5. Leverage
6. e-anything (e-commerce, e-cash, e-goats)
7. Mindshare
8. Scalable
9. Accumulate
10. Strategic Initiative (Shouldn't any initiative be strategic? How about a random initiative?)

1. UGLY
   Ugly Duckling Corp. -- A used-car dealership chain
   
2. AMEN
   Crosswalk.com -- A Christian website
   
3. KIDE
   4Kids Entertainment -- Licenses entertainment properties and develops toys
   
4. TEX
   Terex Corp. -- Designer and producer of heavy equipment
   
5. SHOO
   Steven Madden Ltd. -- Shoe designer and manufacturer
   
6. CATP
   Cambridge Technology Partners -- Information technology consultant
   
7. CRZY
   Crazy Woman Creek Bancorp -- Bank holding company
   
8. DNA
   Genentech -- Biotech firm
   
9. CASH
   First Midwest Financial -- Bank holding company
   
10. BS
    Bethlehem Steel -- Steel producer
    

Top 10 Y2K Concerns Called in by Brokerage Clients

1. OK, let me get this straight. If I sell some stock next year -- and your computer spits out 1900 -- did I just conduct a really long-term short sale?
2. Order execution speeds are improving dramatically. Do you think, by next year, that you will be able to execute trades before I even consider placing the orders?
3. No, I don't mind being put on hold. But, please, please, please, no more of Prince's "1999" on Muzak. It was cute maybe the first hundred times but enough already.
4. Can I have some roaches fill out a power-of-attorney form for my account in case we don't make it?
5. Sure, I trust you, but I still want to trade out of my stocks and buy them right back at the start of the new year. Wash sale what? Oh, wash sale rule. I see. Does that apply even if I don't bathe until then?
6. So what you're telling me is that my portfolio full of Iridium <% if gsSubBrand = "aolsnapshot" then Response.Write("(Nasdaq: IRIDQ)") else Response.Write("(Nasdaq: IRIDQ)") end if %> and Planet Hollywood <% if gsSubBrand = "aolsnapshot" then Response.Write("(Nasdaq: PLHYA)") else Response.Write("(Nasdaq: PLHYA)") end if %> won't land me "Investor of the Year" honors?
7. This isn't getting us anywhere -- is your supervisor Y2K compliant?
8. I want to transfer my index fund into managed mutual funds for the new year. I figure, maybe this last millennium was some sort of fluke. What do you think?
9. Can I sign up for after-hours trading? I want to short Dick Clark Productions <% if gsSubBrand = "aolsnapshot" then Response.Write("(Nasdaq: DCPI)") else Response.Write("(Nasdaq: DCPI)") end if %> the moment the ball drops in Times Square. Selling on the news is my mantra.
10. Yes, cash me out of all my stocks and mail the proceeds to my bunker.

1. www.HotPennyStocks.com
2. www.WallStreetWeak.com
3. www.FullCommission.com
4. www.GreatLoadFund.com
5. www.WiseStockbrokers.com
6. www.RuleFaker.com
7. www.IMY2KOK.com
8. www.WadeCookMadeMeRich.com
9. www.DaytradeDisease.com
10. www.MoneyChurn.com