Jaunting Jesters
September 4, 1998
Rick Chester Writes to 3Dfx
To Whom it May Concern:
I love you guys! I have always been impressed with 3Dfx. I am probably going to buy 37 shares of your company. Ever since I was a little kid, every time I strapped on them 3D glasses, at a movie theater, at a theme park, at my prom, all I could think of was how great 3D effects really are.
I really, really want to thank you. Everything you have ever done has blown me away, except for Friday the 13th Part 3 in 3D. That spooked me way too much. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I knew this kid named Jason who used to chase me around the playground. He wanted to hurt me!
Anyway, before I invest in your company -- and I think you did amazing work on that Terminator 2: 3D attraction at Universal Studios by the way -- I want you to be brutally honest with me on something that is worrying me. My mother told me I should not invest in your company because you are into voodoo. She was once into the occult (it was not her fault, a bad hand at penny poker sent her on a downward spiral), but now that she has been born again she is on a crusade.
She said that before I invest in your company I should go by your offices, late one night, to check your trash for chicken heads and mojo bags. I don't want to do this! My mom is a bit aloof. Before we bring a pet into our house she has to put it in water to see if it will sink or float. Strange, huh? However, she does make some great chicken and dumplings. But what I want to know, besides what great 3D movies you will be providing effects for in the future, is are you really practicing voodoo?
If you are, please don't cast some spell on me. Well, unless you can cast a love spell. There is this girl in my remedial college math class named Veronica. She is everything I have ever wanted but she won't give me the time of day. This is Veronica Herro. Please don't cast the spell on Veronica Garces, she is a pig! Anyway, I love you guys! Please address my concerns and hopefully I will be a part-owner soon.
Wearing them 3D glasses right now,
Rick Chester
P.S. - If you do see a middle-aged woman going through your trash one night, please don't arrest her. She is probably only looking out for me and my investments. Ask her to make you some chicken and dumplings. You will NOT be disappointed. Tasty, tasty.
3Dfx Writes Back
Rick-
Thanks for your interest in 3Dfx. To answer your questions:
No, we do not practice Black Magic
No, we do not sacrifice chickens
No, we do not have Mojo bags
No, we cannot cast a love spell on Veronica
No, we have not seen your mom in our dumpster (unless she morphs into a cat)
No, we are not going to come after you because you asked us if we
practice black magic
Yes, we (and our pets) float if submerged in water they check this before you are hired>
Yes, we would love to try your mom's chicken and dumplings
Yes, we deliver awesome 3D
Yes, we would love to have you invest in the company
Thanks for your inquiry and making my day a little brighter.
Best Wishes,
Steve XXXXX