Fool Quiz
Baby, Oh
Baby!
1) A rough estimate of total expenditures for a child, ages 0 through 18, is:
1. $50,000
2. $100,000
3. $200,000
4. $500,000
5. $1 million
2) The word 'pumpkin' first appeared in
1. 1066
2 1453
3. 1654
4. 1789
5. 1819
3) According to the Oxford English Dictionary, which New England town is celebrated for having given the name 'pumpkinhead' to all the New Englanders?
1. New Haven, CT
2. Boston, MA
3. Hartford, CT
4. Springfield, MA
5. Dublin, NH
4) What cute word has sometimes been used to mean "a stupid, self-important person'?
1. Cuddlebun
2. Sweetie
3. Honey-Pot
4. Cruller
5. Pumpkin
5) Who wrote "The yonge babies crieden alle?"
1. Gower, in 1393
2. Shakespeare, in 1585
3. Goethe
4. Bellendene, in 1533
5. LL Cool J
6) In which (disguised) Shakespeare play does the expression 'mewling and puking' appear?
1. The Comedy of Urpers
2. Romeo and Spuliet
3. Titus Andronicus Disgustus
4. As you Launch It
5. The Merchant of Vomit
7) If you've read our collection on having a baby, you'll know that the proper response to the imminent arrival of the wee one is:
1. Panic
2. Ecstasy
3. Good Planning
4. Confusion
5. All of the Above
8) Infants should be in child care groups of no more than:
1. 1-2 babies
2. 3-5 babies
3. 6 to 8 babies
4. 9-12 babies
5. A baker's dozen, or more, of babies
9) The 1998 Week of the Young Child falls on
1. February 14-21
2. April 19-25
3. September 30-October 6
4. December 9-15
5. There is no such thing
10) Which of the following animal's gestation periods is the closest to that of a human being?
1. Sacred Baboon
2. Ass
3. Sheep (ewe)
4. Pig (sow)
5. Buffalo
* * *
Answers:
1) A baby will cost you roughly $200,000. The good news is, that's spread over 18 years. The bad news is, it's $200,000. The good news is, it's worth every penny. If you thought it was $2 million, you might be right, but then again, you might have been a guest at the wedding of Mohamed and Salama.
2) The word 'pumpkin' first appeared in 1654. 1066 was the Battle of Hastings. 1453 was the fall of Constantinople. 1789 was the Constitutional Convention. 1819 sounded good.
3) New Haven can now be revered not just because it is the home of Yale University, but because has the high honor of having invented the expression 'pumpkinhead.' In 1781, this originated from the Blue Laws, which enjoined every male to have his hair cut round by a cap. When caps were not available, they substituted the hard shell of a pumpkin. See "Beatle."
4) "Pumpkin," in addition to being the epithet you hang lovingly on your new little bundle of joy, has also meant stupid and self-important. An example exists from a play by Galt in 1830, Act II, Scene 1: "But I ain't a pumpkin, the Squire he knows that." OK. But was he a Fool?
5) It was Gower who wrote, "The yonge babies crieden alle," and today we marvel at how truly prescient he was. If you guessed Goethe, you goethe be kidding. If you guessed Bellendene, you're no doubt confused by this similar quotation: "We bere na armoure aganis babbyis." And we bere na armoure aganis ya for de guess.
6) The mewling and puking comes from the famous 'seven ages of man' speech, in As You Like It. Spoken like a gentleman, by Jaques.
7) The proper response to having a baby is "All of the Above." The magnificent feast of emotions and experiences will take your breath away. Just make sure you've done some planning, so that it doesn't also take all your money away.
8) Infants should be in groups of no more than 6 to 8 babies, according to the National Association for the Education of Young Children, aka NAEYC.
9) This year's week of the child falls on April 19-25.
10) A woman's gestation is about 40 weeks, or 280 days. The Buffalo goes into labor at about 275, and so is the closest. Yes, there is something called a sacred baboon, and she can pop her baboonettes out in a mere six months. The ass undergoes a labor (or at least a gestation) of love, taking a full year to squeeze out her asslet. Sheep to sheeplet: 150 days. Pig to piglet: 114 days.
--David Wolpe (TMF Dbunk)