<FOOLISH FOUR PORTFOLIO>
Winner's Circle
for the Foolish Four Invitational
by Ann Coleman (TMF [email protected])
Reston, VA (June 11, 1999) -- Is everyone feeling a little frivolous? After this blah week for the market, we need a little levity -- which is handy because, good market or bad, today is the day we announce the winners of the First Ever Foolish Four Invitational.
Note, I'm not designating this as an annual event. As much fun as I have had the last three weeks, I find I don't much like being The Judge, even with help from Jennifer Silber (please address your complaints to TMF [email protected]). The responsibility of deciding who celebrates tonight and who spends the evening in their underwear watching reruns of The Nanny and sighing is crushing. When the going gets tough, I wimp out, and picking a winner was really tough. So I didn't. I picked the ones that I just had to share with you all. (Yes, they ALL get hats -- if you see your name below, just send me your address.)
I have to say that there were a lots of others that were very, very close. You guys are a clever bunch (well, most of you). So if you didn't win, please don't jump off of any tall buildings. Losing should not cause anyone more than a week of serious depression. (You can see why I had a hard time with the judging thing.)
First, the ones everyone thought of. These are all good, but I was starting to think I should take points off for anyone who didn't send in:
Merge Xerox and Caterpillar: Copy cat
Merge Eastman Kodak (EK) and GE for the ultimate high tech company: GEEK
Merge Gillette with Gap to produce really sharp clothes.
You could merge Time Warner and Waste Management, but it would be a Waste of Time.
Xerox and Bank One, or BankAmerica, for instant cash.
The multitudinous variations on Fannie Mae, Johnson & Johnson and Pfizer were, ummmm, cute, too, but no cigar.
OK, just one: Merge Johnson & Johnson with Pfizer and produce Tyagra. A pill that both of us need to take an hour before we go to bed. -- Pratt5 (86mets)
And now, the Winners. All of them, in no particular order.
Merge Boeing, International Paper, and Xerox for a plane paper copier. -- Philip Bear
Merge AT&T with Lucent and you have: AT&T. -- Bill Cernansky
Merge Compaq with Waste Management and get "Compaqtor." -- Mark, also Calvinator
Merge General Electric and Gap to form Generation Gap. -- Mary Booth
Time Warner merges with Waste Management. They then acquire Bank One. They then decide they don't want to have a banking division but would like an automotive manufacturing division, so they drop Bank One and Pick up Ford. The headline line would read "Time Waste Ford (no One)." -- Chris Walsh, New York
The merger of IBM and Anheuser-Busch would affectionately be called Big Buzz. -- Bill Jamison
You cud merge IBM with 3M and call the new company WeBeM! -- Eric Kulju
Alcoa merges with American Express and markets the first downscale credit card: The Aluminum Card. -- Bill Lane, also Che826
Merge Boeing with Caterpillar and get "Mothra." -- Patricia Catrillo
Merge Pfizer with Goodyear Tire and Rubber to develop "run-flat" condoms. (Give it a minute.) -- Maximum Don
If you merge a Goodyear Tire with a Caterpillar the result is a Flatterpillar. -- Alex M
Exxon merges with Waste Management and opens an Alaska office... just in case. -- Cassandra
Merge Philip Morris with Goodyear: All those lawsuits, Philip Morris needs a Goodyear. -- Robert E. Hinton
Merge Disney and Eli Lilly (makers of Prozac): "The Happiest Place on EarthTM, now in easy chewable tablets." -- A. Arif Husain
Merge Xerox with Gap to form a clothing company that can quickly copy fashion trends. -- Rob Conger, Manhattan
Merge Boeing + Home Depot + Ford to produce Planes, Drains, and Automobiles. -- Kevin Shaum
Merge Intel + 3M => 2.9999M -- Kevin Shaum, also Tim Irvin
What if you merged Pfizer with Caterpillar? You'd get the world's largest... farmaceutical company, of course! -- Ethan Haskel, who obviously has too much time on his hands. (No, you can't have a hat, Ethan. You're an employee.)
Whatever you do, do NOT merge Sears (S) with Union Carbide (UK). That idea does not sell. -- Ron Josephs, also Rob Conger, Manhattan
Today's Stock Lists | 1999 Dow Returns
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Stock Change Last
--------------------
CAT -2 7/16 59.44
JPM -1 126.25
MMM -1 1/8 85.94
IP -1 1/2 52.25
Day Month Year History
FOOL-4 -2.28% 1.31% 23.01% 24.84%
DJIA -1.23% -0.66% 14.64% 14.19%
S&P 500 -0.70% -0.62% 5.57% 5.82%
NASDAQ -1.48% -0.92% 11.64% 13.17%
Rec'd # Security In At Now Change
12/24/98 24 Caterpillar 43.08 59.44 37.97%
12/24/98 22 Int'l Paper 43.55 52.25 19.98%
12/24/98 9 JP Morgan 105.51 126.25 19.66%
12/24/98 14 3M 73.57 85.94 16.81%
Rec'd # Security In At Value Change
12/24/98 24 Caterpillar 1034.00 1426.50 $392.50
12/24/98 22 Int'l Paper 958.12 1149.50 $191.38
12/24/98 9 JP Morgan 949.62 1136.25 $186.63
12/24/98 14 3M 1030.00 1203.13 $173.13
Dividends Received $49.99
Cash $28.26
TOTAL $4993.63