Motli was at her desk when I got back to the office, hip deep in crumpled typing paper, notebooks, and various financial publications. She had a thin girlie cigarette hanging unlit from her lips as she pounded away at the laptop in front of her. I reached over and pulled the Caprice from her mouth.

"You don't smoke, Motli."

"I know," she said, "But it makes me look writerly."

"Of course it does, darlin'." I fired up the coffin nail and took a long drag -- and nearly hacked my spleen out. "Gick! This is the nastiest cigarette I've ever tasted. I thought these were supposed to be dainty chick cigarettes, like smoking a satin pillow or something. This thing is twice as strong as one of mine. It's like smoking a gym sock dipped in brine."

"That why I never light them, Acey. Now be a good boy and go away. I'm working."

I went out to re-trace Safari Don's movements over the past four days. My first stop was the L.A. Zoo. I met with a geeky little guy named Lemuel Cashman. He was in charge of inventory and animal sales.

"So what-all did Safari Don purchase from you, Mr. Cashman?"

"Oy, Safari Don! What a pain in the butt," said Lem. "Tighter than a bumble drum, he is. Always haggling. Haggle haggle haggle. Won't even buy life-mated animals in pairs --says his idiot clientele doesn't NEED to see two lemurs when one will do. Do you know what we ended up selling him the zebras for?"

"Yes, I do. I'm interested in what he bought, not how much he paid." Cashman gave me the inventory, which totalled 8 critters altogether. "You sure there weren't nine?" I asked.

"These are fairly large animals, Mr. Diamond. We seldom miscount them."

I thanked him and nodded, an uneasy feeling growing in my stomach. I didn't need to follow Safari Don's trail any farther... I just needed to wait a day. I was pretty sure I knew what the sick twist was up to.

I headed back to the office. Motli was sitting on my desk slapping a ruler into her hands. "What's up, Mot?"

"Have you forgotten, Acey? It's time for your lesson." She jumped off the desk and stalked toward me, the bells of her hat jingling ominously. "Do you have a question ready? I really HOPE you have a question ready. You know how disappointed I am when you're not prepared."

"Uh... right, Mot. A question. I'm ready. Put... the... ruler... down." I sat at my desk and drew up a question off the cuff.

"Okay, Mot. All the numbers are in hundreds of thousands.

"Safari Don's Bazaar Safari had inventories of 350 at the beginning of the year and 440 at the end of the year. It bought merchandise costing 1,500 during the year. What was the Bazaar's cost of goods sold?"

"I don't know, Acey, " she said, still tapping the ruler. "You tell me."

1) 1,410

2) 1,500

3) 1,590

4) 2,290

The answer is 1) 1,410. Cost of goods sold for the Bazaar Safari, and generally for a merchandising company is,

Beginning inventory                    350
Plus purchases                       1,500 

Cost of goods available for sale     1,850 
Less ending inventory                  440 

Cost of goods sold                   1,410 

Cost of goods sold is, as it says, the cost of the goods that were sold. Goods in ending inventory were not sold, so are subtracted. Goods in the beginning inventory were sold (in all likelihood), as were some of the goods bought during the year. Can you tell how much of the goods bought during the year were sold before year end? The answer is 1,060. Of the 1,500 bought, 440 was in ending inventory, and 1,500 - 440 = 1,060. Or, of cost of sales of 1,410, 350 was from the beginning inventory, leaving 1,060 sold from goods purchased in the current year.

Actually, this calculation can misstate cost of goods sold because goods can leave the company without being sold. Pilferage, spoilage, evaporation, and other actions can reduce the goods on hand. Hence the calculation is actually "cost of goods sold or otherwise disposed of," but such a title is awkward.

****

"Acey!" Motli exclaimed. "That was VERY good! And here's your reward."

She pulled a bottle of Jack from my desk and poured off a tall shot. I slugged it down. "This is a fun game. Let's do another."

"Now Acey, be good. Besides, don't you have a case to solve?"

"Hey, Mot? If you're out to save the world from itself by teaching everyone how to invest, are you sure getting them tanked is a good way to go about it?"

Motli shook her head. "Don't judge, Acey. As long as you learn your lessons, it doesn't matter to me to how you do it."

I nodded. Besides, there was nothing I could do until tomorrow. So I drew another question. An easy one. After all, I couldn't learn this stuff without being positively reinforced for correct answers.

Monday's Episode:
Zebras and Lemurs and Babes

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