Diane Mills #1 found herself in the the Statue of Liberty's Torch. The others were waiting for her. Her other half, Diane #2, stared straight ahead. The metal was cold, and vapors swirled from it, as though it were dry ice.

"Look," said the Match King, his breath visible in the frigid air. "Perhaps you know something I don't. But if this is about money, well, I have a lot of money. If, of course, I can be persuaded that it is a worthwhile endeavor, I may be persuaded to invest some with you. Is that what this is about?"

The enormous face sneered, but the Match King went on, his voice quavering.

"I've put together a balance sheet here, but it isn't quite adding up at the price you suggest. However," he hastened to add, "I'm happy to reconsider. After all, Lady Liberty holds a flame. This flame! I'm the Match King. I'd like to put the image on my matches. It's a marriage made in heaven!"

At the mention of the word 'heaven,' all hell broke loose. A fire-tornado of electric light filaments swept through the torch. On touching human flesh it left a branding mark -- somewhat like the lightning stripes that had been tattooed on a man's back many thousands of years earlier, in a distant land. The temperature shot up 120 degrees in an instant. The victims screamed out in pain, and from the pedestal 300 feet below, tourists would have been astounded to see that the torch had literally caught fire.

The Match King was thrust back against the wall, his hair and clothes singed. The sample books of safety matches he'd been carrying in his vest pocket all sprang to life, and the Fool hugged him and swatted at him to put out the flames, as if he were fluffing up a body pillow.

The creature turned toward the two Dianes.

"I am Mo-Mental," the voice proclaimed. "You now serve me."

"Serve you?" said Diane #2, cowering in a corner. "What -- does that mean?" She and her twin -- or rather, her other half -- huddled together, clutching at one another.

"You have been chosen for your intelligence and appeal... and because you allowed me to choose you. You will be my wives in the Age of Persuasion."

The Statue's upraised right arm, the one that holds the flame aloft, shook and tilted all out of balance.

The Match King's balance sheet had been partly obliterated, and he scrambled to remember what he'd calculated. He knew that Shareholder Equity was $100 million, and that Total Assets were $130 million. In order to put the balance back in the balance sheet, as well as into the Statue's torch, what would Total Liabilities be?

1) $70million

2) $30 million

3) $130 million

4) The amount cannot be determined.

The answer is 2) $30 million.

Total Assets is equal to the sum of Total Liabilities and Shareholder Equity. This is what puts the term 'balance' in the balance sheet. So, the calculation is simply a matter of figuring out what amount, in addition to the $100 million in Equity, will equal the $130 million in total assets. Doing the math, one arrives at $30 million.

The Swedish Match King never did manage to invest in the venture. From that point onward he was a changed man, and the collapse of his worldwide match empire had begun. It culminated in his suicide, a few years later, in a Paris salon, under mysterious circumstances.

The Fool emerged unscathed from this episode -- for reasons that will become apparent later. Diane Mills, meanwhile, was forever split into the anagrammatic pieces of her name: Smile 'n' Dial. Two halves of a divided self, with all the yearning and incompleteness that such a split would carry with it.

History records* that the Statue of Liberty was closed for a two-week period in August of 1927, in order to be thoroughly inspected for safety. The National Park Service quietly launched one the most massive and urgent investigations in its history, the results of which stated, in part: "Bizarre electrical storm conditions, possibly related to intense heat-lightning activity nearby, may have created a temporary disturbance in the statue itself. However, going solely on the accounts of one eye-witness, whose appearance and demeanor make him appear exceedingly Foolish, we cannot conclude at this time that any super-normal events whatsoever occurred."

[Note: history records no such thing. :)]

Monday: An New Serial Begins!
(The Balance Sheet Continues)

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