So, like, my Mom is flipping through the pages of one of her Better Homes magazines -- like, what, our home isn't good ENOUGH? -- and the phone rings and I JUMP because I'm hoping it's my crush, Todd. We've just spent this Barbie Dream House afternoon at the mall and I think it's him. But my mom FREEZES me with a stare. She's doing her Dubble-Bubble cow-thing and her hair's all up and she punches speakerphone.

And there's this like, totally Wayne Newton voice, on the other end. "Helloooooo Mrs. Kruppuh," it says, way Crisco. "How are you this evening?" Right off we know, because you don't pronounce our name Kruppuh -- it's pronounced 'Krupp' just because the 'e' in Kruppe is, like, Cone of Silence. Plus no one we know ever starts off asking us how we are.

And Mr. Slimy goes, "My boss at Gaines-something-or-other is going to put out a MAJOR stock recommendation on Wednesday and I'm letting you know so you can get in on the buy early." And my mom keeps chewing and says, "We're EATING here" but Oilenko dives back in and says, "Look. This stock is going to DOUBLE in the next few months because it's trading at only HALF the price-to-earnings ratio of other companies in the same business. It's money in the bank, or my name isn't Pete."

"Oh Mother," I say, "I think you SHOULD double our money. Then I could really SHOP." And my eyes go glassy 'cause I start thinking about all these outfits I could wear for Todd. I drift off to the time we first met and he asked if I wanted to play air hockey and I said sure and he made me LAUGH so hard I peed in my pants and I SWORE I'd get more clothes!

And then I hear this tinkle-in-the-breeze WIND CHIME from outside. It's SO Twilight Zone. My heart pounds because I think maybe it's Todd with, like, a ladder, and he wants to ELOPE before we can even drive.

And then the doorbell rings and I rocket out of my seat and fly to the door in case it's Todd but it's not. It's this GUY wearing this FUNNY HAT and he looks like he's come out of some SHAKESPEARE play and he goes, like, "Hi."

So I go, "Hi."

And he goes, "I'm a Fool." And I go, "No way."

And he goes, "Your mother does not want to buy this stock. Why? Because Cold-Call Pete didn't say anything about:"

1. The company's growth rate

2. What the company makes

3. Whether it's a growth stock

4. All of the Above

If you chose 4 -- All of the Above -- then you are SO right on.

The Fool told me that IF it's a growth stock and IF you find out what its competition is and what it makes, THEN, once you know its price-to-earnings ratio, you also need to know its growth rate. That's because a company's price-to-earnings ratio should, when the company is fully and fairly valued, just about equal its growth rate. The P/E ratio is the price of a stock divided by its company's earnings per share over the past 12 months. (Duh! I knew that. I swear.)

However, the P/E often does not correspond between stocks; some stocks may be considered underpriced at fifty times earnings, whereas others may be overpriced at 12. This is because the market's price tag is based on past history (trailing 12-month earnings per share), present circumstances (stock price), and future projections (growth rate) -- all of which vary from company to company.

Oh GOD. This is just so YODA.

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