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Friday, November 20, 1998

Chop, Chop
(Start Your Debt Diet Today)

by ([email protected])

Having grown up in a school district where we thought "home eq." meant those things we did with lunch meat and toast on Tuesday, I can see where Mr. Runkle got in trouble with a home equity loan (or line of credit -- a much scarier item). But a home equity loan can be a super way to shorten the road to debt free living. You just have to understand that financial fitness, like physical fitness, requires not only practice, but technique. And, like bowling and golf, success in reducing your debt with a home equity loan is simple. See, it's all in the wrist.

The following simple exercise should build up your strength for a truly Foolish home equity loan, while simultaneously burning off some of that fatty debt you've been accumulating with your credit cards.

First of all, loosen up your muscles by shaking your head and wringing your hands over your credit card balances.

Second, do a quick warm-up run (you have my permission to use a phone) over to the bank, or better yet several banks, to investigate home equity loans. Feel free to ask lots of questions, especially about what your other options might be. Your questions may be Foolish, but isn't that the whole point? This may or may not result in a home equity loan, but regardless, proceed to step three.

This step is the tricky one, so pay close attention. Remove a credit card from your wallet. Hold it in both hands, grasping firmly between the thumb and first two fingers, wrists deeply flexed inwards. Take a deep breath (you may be more comfortable if you close your eyes), and simultaneously straighten your wrists while pressing firmly with both thumbs. A shriek of anguish from the credit card means your technique is perfect! Repeat as necessary to strengthen your wrists, slim down your wallet, and get that ugly spare tire at the bottom of your statement(s) to reduce, reduce, reduce!

As an option, step four is to acquire a personal trainer. When you get a home equity loan, the bank will be quite willing to pay the cards off directly. If you ask them, they can usually cancel the card accounts for you while they're at it. If you find yourself cheating on step three, this is a great way to motivate yourself.

If you're really buried under credit card debt, this technique, and its equally important sibling, the "Hello, I'd like to cancel my credit card, please" call, are an essential part of your debt-diet and financial fitness regime. And remember, without strong wrists, "home equity loan" is just another word for "debt."
[Are you in Furby frenzy? Agitated by Elmo? Head over to Aruba's Isle of Revenge to vent.]

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