Wednesday, June 03, 1998

Gassing Loose Change
By [email protected] ([email protected])

I've been contemplating a problem of monumental proportions. And I think I have a solution. I'm referring, of course, to that scourge of civilization, loose change.

Just when I think I can rid myself of it with my next purchase of a toy yo-yo costing, say, $4.59, I reach into my pocket after chirping to the teller, "Wait, I think I have it," only to find that I have all of $0.32 in my pocket. So instead of getting rid of change, I get a handful more.

As you may have noticed, the gas pumps of today attempt to sell to us, advertise to us, and even entertain us. Heck, some even have that ubiquitous airport CNN on tiny screens to annoy us. But what better time than at the pump, once my spigot is set and pumping petrol into my auto, to work on a scheme for ridding myself of that pesky change.

Should I "chuck it," maybe "roof it," on those rain roofs over the pumps? Should I splurge on a candy bar or a newspaper? Should I give it to the boy on the bike inflating his tires over there? Hey, I am here for gas!

Why not pay for my gas with it? Let's see, I have $0.73 in change, and a preponderance of those Lincoln cents. The gas pump gun knocks off at $10.56. Shall I give the man behind the glass $11? Heck no, not unless I intend to rupture my piggy bank's hind legs with the weight of more change.

Why don't I squirt a tad more gas into the car, you know, "top it off," to $10.73, give the cashier a ten spot and my fist full of coins, and let the cashier pick and sort the change! I have gotten rid of my coins. I win!

Surely, not every interaction is this clean. Were the pump to knock off at $10.98, I might top off to $11.15, say, and only get rid of $0.15, but that beats getting two more pennies to add to my pocketful! It takes skill, cunning and a cold calculating mind to truly be the master of this domain. Are you cut out for the challenge?

There you have it, one of the world's longest-running problems, solved once a week when you fill up your tank. Now on to tax reform and world peace!

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