Monday, March 09, 1998

Where's the Walrus
By Jim McGuire ([email protected])

With apologies to Lewis Carrol...

"The time has come," the Broker said,
"To talk of many things:
Of stocks -- blue chips -- and candle sticks --
Of cabbages -- and kings --
And why this stock is boiling hot --
And whether pork has wings."

"But wait a bit," the Investors cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of cash --
We can't invest like that!"
"Use Margin!" said the Broker.
They thanked him much for that.

"A redistribution," the Broker said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Some large-caps and an IPO
Are very good indeed --
Now if you're ready Investors dear,
We can begin to feed."

"But not in Asia!" Investors cried,
Turning a little blue,
"After such a market crash, that's
A risky thing to do!"
"The stocks are fine," the Broker said
"Let's buy something new.

"It was so smart of you to invest!
You are so very Wise!"
The Broker said nothing but
"May I quote another price?
I wish you were not quite so deaf --
I've had to ask you twice!"

"It seems a shame," the Broker thought,
"To play them such a trick,
After I've leveraged them out so far,
And made them spend so quick!"
The Broker said nothing but
"These small-caps grow so quick!"

"The time is now!" the Broker said.
"This stock's recapitalized."
With charts and graphs he pointed out
Those of the "proper" size.
Preaching to Investors who were
Becoming mesmerized.

"O Investors," said the Broker.
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we change your portfolio again?"
But answer came there none --
And that was scarcely odd, because
He'd ruined every one.

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