Tuesday, June 10, 1997
Fool in a Strange
Land
by
TMF Taxes
A few days ago, I found that I could no longer access the Fool web site with my normal AOL browser.
So what, you say? Easy to correct, you mutter? Well, before we go too much further here, you have to understand a little bit about me. While I am reasonably computer literate for my age, I am not, nor will I ever be, technically competent when it comes to web access, URLs, http:s, or other "thingies" like that. One of the reasons that I originally signed on with AOL was that I could "point and click" without having to know too much computer-type lingo. Very non-threatening to me. I liked it.
So when I found that I could no longer access the Fool web site and respond to all of the tax and inheritance strategy questions found there, I did what any other red-blooded, non-technical person would do: I panicked. I immediately remembered the old saying given to me by my Grandpa:
When in trouble,
When in doubt,
Run in circles,
Scream and shout.
And that is exactly what I did. I sent an emergency e-mail to anyone and everyone with a "TMF" in front of their name. I called Fool HQ and demanded to speak with everybody. All at once. Right now.
I was transferred to the folks at HQ who understand all of this web stuff. It was obvious that they had encountered kooks like me before because their advice was cool and calm: Let us look into it and we'll get back with you. In the meantime, sit tight.
It was not long before the technical folks at HQ decided that it would be best for me to get an ISP (an Internet Service Provider for those of you who, like me, thought an ISP was a birth control device). And with an ISP I could then use the Netscape browser in order to access the Fool web site. Uhhhh... right.
I didn't really know what it all meant, but it sounded good. So I called to set up an ISP account. The ISP representative also immediately realized that I was a little dense. Everything was explained to me slowly, using melodic tones, and single-syllable words. I appreciated it. The rep told me that they would send out my ISP software, and that I would be up and running in 3 to 5 working days.
In anticipation of my new ISP, I thought I had better download the Netscape browser. So I did. No problems (I don't think). But I couldn't figure out how I was supposed to "purchase" the browser software.
During the Netscape download and setup, I kept waiting, credit card in hand, for a message giving me a telephone number to call to register and pay for the software. Nada. Nothing. So unless there is a time-bomb imbedded in the program, I guess I now have Netscape for free. I felt guilty, like I should owe somebody some money. But that feeling quickly passed. I had bigger problems to deal with.
Anyway, my impression was always that one could not run Netscape over AOL without doing a bunch of tricky things (all well beyond my ability). But never one to let "no" stand in my way, I decided to try to load Netscape over AOL.
So I put on my safety glasses and gloves and got on line with AOL. Once on line, I launched Netscape and ran from the room (in fear of an explosion). Much to my surprise, there was no explosion AND Netscape was sitting there, waiting for me to select a web site, looking at me like a wide-eyed puppy, waiting for my command.
So, after checking out a few other sites, I decided to try to log into the Fool web site. It let me right in. Not a problem.
I entered my screen name and password. Accepted.
I ran over to the Managing Your Investments area. No problem. I clicked on to Tax Strategies. Bingo. Right there. I could see all of the posts in the folder.
By now, I was feeling pretty stupid for causing such an uproar about this whole access thing. It appeared that the problem was solved, and I could have solved it previously with a little critical thinking. I had one hand on the phone (to cancel my brand new ISP account), and the other on the keyboard (getting ready to answer a tax question). And then...
Poof. When I tried to access the first post, my elation was immediately deflated, just like a popped balloon. I found that while I COULD access the post, I could NOT move around within the post. I could only see what was in the window. Nothing to the right. Nothing below. And there were NO scales there that I could click on or drag to move to adjust that window. So, in effect, I could only see a small part of the question. Tax questions are difficult enough to answer. Only seeing a small part of the question makes the answer near impossible.
Slamming down the phone on the ISP rep, I quickly went to the "preferences" button, thinking that if I could change my screen size, the problem would be solved. Nope. Netscape began to act less like an obedient puppy, and more like an indignant old Siamese cat. Wouldn't let me in the "preferences" area. Wouldn't allow me to re-size my screen. Wouldn't fetch my slippers or come when I called. So, in just a few hours, all of my hopes and joys turned to disgust and loathing. I clicked out of the Fool web site. I had been beaten. I knew it.
I felt betrayed. But can one be betrayed by an inanimate object? Regardless, I decided to go back to a place where I felt wanted, those pages we all get ads for daily. They'll take my credit card number; I'm just certain.