Aloha, fellow wordsmiths. I am often perplexed at the dual nature of words. Yes, I am confused over syntax, which I think is Spanish for tax-free. Either way, Webster is probably turning in his grave now that we have truly butchered the English language. When I go bowling, and I nail down all the pins in two shots, what did I spare? I would resign to bewilderment but I am not sure what that means. When someone quits they resign, when someone extends their contract, they resign. Leave or stay, everybody resigns and this is supposed to make sense? That's sense as in common sense yet it is not something you can see, hear, touch, feel or taste.

Take the world of investing, fleas! Am I the only one at a loss come earnings season? Why is it that a company showing a loss calls it an earnings report? Is "restructuring" a euphemism for "lack of vision and poor execution yet bring on amnesia"? During a recession should analysts downgrade on a curve? Shouldn't earnings estimates be called EPS ESP? The term "Shares Outstanding" is as conceited as the term "depreciation" is self-effacing. Can a company with negative book value still file for Chapter 11?

Is broker a noun or merely the financial state one leaves you in? Wasn't Benedict Arnold branded a trader? How honest can the financial services industry be if they consider bull a good thing? If mutual funds under-perform the market, and they still charge a management fee, are the feelings still mutual? Why do cold callers tout hot stocks? Is a failing thrift a bankshot? How does an analyst properly phrase a sell rating on Best Buy? How do you throw away a used trash can for that matter?

If you have unrealized gains on a forestry stock do you have paper profits? Can Intel's advertising company be accused of "Intel Inside" information? Is there any class or action in a class-action lawsuit? Were option players put on this planet or was it someone else's call? Ever come across a fishy red herring? Did you know that some European cathedrals will make you cover your shorts in order to enter? Can a money-losing company get a letter from their mother to excuse them from P.E.?

A dollar for some sense, I can't bear this bull much longer.

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