As a long-time subscriber to U.S. News and World Report, I eagerly turned to a series of articles in their December 9 issue called "Investment Outlook 97." Since I'm always eager for more information, this seemed like a good source.

Alas, it was not to be. The Wise were well represented therein, with only a passing nod to Foolishness. A summary:

The first article reviewed the portfolios of four investors from varied backgrounds and diverse investment holdings. Four financial planners offered their words of Wisdom on what these folks were doing wrong (plenty, in their opinion) and what they should do with their money instead. All four of them expounded the virtues of different varieties of stock and bond mutual funds. One even used the tired old saw of "60 percent stocks, 35 percent bonds, 5 percent cash." None advised using discount brokers, analyzing companies, making your own decisions, or investing via a high-yield stock strategy that has a well-proven, market-beating track record. Clearly there was little of value here to a Fool.

The second article, "What if the Going Gets Rough in '97?" advised a buy-and-hold strategy, and offered these three rules: #1. Follow your discipline to the letter (Foolish enough, n'est-ce pas?) #2. Consider risk as well as return when you choose new funds (Fools should substitute "stocks" or "investing strategies" for "funds," of course). But the third rule blew it all for me: #3. Consider buying some courage by purchasing funds through brokers or financial advisors. ARRRRGH! This Wise advice gives you someone who tells you to think again when you make that panicky call to sell, but you wouldn't be doing that anyway if you followed Rule #1, would you? In its defense, the article did mention the 16.9 percent average return over the last 25 years of the "Dogs of the Dow Approach," better known in Fooldom as the Dow 10. Mysteriously, it made no recommendation to use the approach, only noting that "many investors swear by it."

I did get a good laugh from the third article, "Word From the Front Lines," which interviewed four of the Wise. One of them is the "captain of a $3.7 billion international fund which searches worldwide for bargains. Over the past 15 years, his 15.9 percent return has nearly [emphasis added] matched the S&P 500 Index, with less than half the risk." Hmmm. Doesn't seem like a very impressive performance to this Fool. Why not just invest in an index fund instead?

The final article on "Mousing Around the Market" offered some good information (finally!) on stock trading on the Internet with discount brokers. But it incorrectly identified eBroker as the "cheapest trades on the Internet at $12."

I can only conclude that Wisdom is apparently everywhere, but one has to search diligently for Foolishness. To quote that famous Fool Jaques from Act II, Scene vii of Shakespeare's As You Like It:

Invest me in my motley; give me leave
To speak my mind, and I will through and through
Cleanse the foul body of th' infected world,
If they will patiently receive my medicine.

Frank Womble

A new Fool