Tuesday, September 17, 1996
The Investormedicine Clinic
by MF Cubster

As a board certified orthopedic surgeon, I have often wondered how my specialty became so subdivided. Twenty years ago there were *just* orthopedic surgeons. We saw any patient with an ache or pain related to the musculoskeletal system. In the last two decades things have changed.

After medical school, doctors planning to go into orthopedics must go through preliminary training known as an internship and then a residency. In the last decade or two there has been an increased emphasis on further subspecialized training, called fellowships. These fellowships give more specific training in one of the now many subspecialties that have developed in orthopedics such as trauma, spine, hand, pediatrics, and sports medicine. The expectation from these additional training programs is to develop physicians who will focus their subsequent practices into the niche their fellowship prepares them for.

Sports medicine has had an interesting evolution. It has developed from the burgeoning recreational athletic business such as skiing, roller blading and golf, as well as the emphasis on competitive sports from grade school through professional sports. It is a situation that is unique, since this is a specialty that wasn't created by anatomy or pathology, as much as by how the injury occurs.

So, sports medicine is actually a composite of several other medical areas of interest. Trauma is most obvious with sports medicine taking on fractures with the "twist" (uh, sorry) that the fracture happened while doing a sport, even if the "athlete" is shaped like the Pillsbury doughboy. Pediatrics means kids, which have unique issues due to growing bones. The "sportsmed" docs have carved into traditional pediatric orthopedic niches here too, so when an 8 year old breaks his collarbone on a trampoline is it really a sports medicine injury? Cardiologists now specialize in cardiovascular training rehab programs. Even ophthalmologists have gotten into the action with sports eye care.

The sports medicine craze has been a great thing for America as it means people are generally exercising and trying to stay fit. It reflects the baby boomers in their mid 30s through early 50s and their interests. Of course the increasing demand for sports medicine won't end with upcoming Generation X people joining the mix. Yet, as the baby boomers have aged and become more settled in their lifestyles, with good jobs, families and all, they have more money to burn than they can spend on golf clubs, roller-blades and health club dues. So, they have turned their passions to investing. Mutual funds have seen a tremendous influx of dollars coming from the baby boomers who realize that investing is important. Will they need doctors specializing in illnesses related to this frenzy?

If the sports medicine folks can carve out a niche because of patient injury/illness patterns, why not startup the INVESTORMEDICINE CLINIC?

Of course it's not just orthopedists, but that's the beauty of it. Gastroenterologists, neurologists, and many other disciplines can join in to become experts in medicine's *HOTTEST* new specialty!

Lets cover some of the things that will evolve from specialization in INVESTORMEDICINE:

Investormedicine GASTROINTESTINAL Services -- We can train gastroenterologists an additional year so they can get to the guts of these public (health) issues. I'll subcategorize a few well known ulcers by investment cause.

The ulcer caused by selling a stock for a year-end tax loss and then watching it shoot up in value, a double by mid year:

Chief Complaint: Doc, I sold International Game Technology at $10 7/8 last December after a 50% loss (now check a quote on IGT)...

...or the ulcer caused by reading Online Investing Message Boards:

Chief Complaint: Doc, I bought C-Cube at $70 but some guy named after a lawnmower keeps saying that all chips are just commodities.

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Investormedicine ORTHOPEDIC Services -- The Investormedicine orthopods will love to be retrained in care of these:

The fractured 5th Metacarpal (formerly known as a Boxer's Hand Fracture) -- Now the Market-Maker's Trap Fracture:

Chief Complaint: Doc, The Fools just announced selling Medicis so I put in my order. When I heard the price had dropped $4 at the opening, I smashed my hand against a wall.

The Investor's torn knee meniscus:

Chief Complaint: Doc, I was working when I heard Joe Kernan on CNBC shout, "Ancor's up THREE BUCKS." So I pivoted on my left knee to see the screen and I heard this loud pop...

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Investormedicine CARDIOVASCULAR Services -- The Docs get to go to cool new conferences to hear presentations of scientific papers covering new trends:

Electrophysiology in the use of Japanese Candlestick chart analysis.

The relationship of Ventricular Arrhythmia patterns and Stochastics, are they really one and the same?

Using moving averages to smooth out Cardiogram tracings.

Increased Angioplasty rates based on the Federal Reserve meeting schedule.

The correlation between Hypertension, Stroke and Momentum fund investing.

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Investormedicine EYE Services -- The Investormedicine Fellowship will provide additional training in Ophthalmology.

Several causes of Blurred Vision will need specialized care such as:

Tickerwatcher's disease, Balance sheet analyzer eye, Motley Fool chatroom squint and Double vision from reading the VISX folder's after Radial Keratotomy. There will also be treatment for those who are suffering from "Short" sightedness.

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Investormedicine NEUROLOGY/PSYCHIATRY Services -- Treatment for Investor message board *Online FLAMING* illnesses will have special training needs, including courses in Pyrotechnical and Psychotechnical analysis:

Chief Complaint: I bought Ascend at $15 (split adjusted of course) but now my head seems to be too big for all my hats...

Chief Complaint: I have this recurring nightmare about the Iomega parking lot being empty on Sundays.

Chief Complaint: Our son needs treatment for slurred speech. He keeps repeating: Schthep aschide doc, Not so shy exhass schpoken.

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Investormedicine GYNE/UROLOGY Services -- Hmmm.

Illnesses from Option trading using Straddles and Spreads? I'll leave that up to your imagination, or maybe the next Fribble.

Transmitted: 9/17/96