Friday, May 17, 1996
Too Cool for the Fool
by MF Yakko

Epidemic alert! Spreading throughout fooldom, a new and scary virus. To wit:

"Yo, check out today's block buys. The specialists are bidding up the ask for a break out."

"This stock is dead money until next month. James [note the first name basis with the CEO] just isn't the person to take them to the next level. I'm moving on."

These are just a couple of examples of the effects of a real and present threat to Fooldom. It's called the "Too Cool for the Fool Virus (TCFV)". Never heard of it? It goes by many other names, such as:

The "Everything-is-obvious-to-me-and-you-can't-see-%&#$" virus.

The "If-you-can't-understand- my-technical-analysis-street- talk-then-take-it-to-Fidelity-you-loser" virus.

The "I-don't-have-time-to-tell-you-what-I-actually-*mean*- because-my Quotrek-just-went-off" virus.

Thankfully, the antibody required to fight this disease is already in most of us, and no vaccine is required. But just as in "The Night of the Living Dead," we are surrounded by the infected.

From the beginning, the Fool's objective has been to promote collaboration between individual investors, with the goals to educate, inform, and amuse. Recently though, the virus appears to have been spreading, filling the stock boards with the mucus of TCFV. Good fortune being what it is, other uninfected Fools are mopping up, deciphering the strange codes and the misdirections of the afflicted.

Further good fortune, an over-the-computer in-home test, has just been approved by the FDA (Fool and Dunce Administration), so you can find out if you're at risk. As luck would have it, I managed to scam an early copy. Here 'tis.

*TCFV Infection Test*

Have you ever found yourself making the following statements (or the equivalent) publicly? Give yourself 0 points for a "No," 5 points for a "Sometimes," and 10 for either a "Yes" or an "I don't have time for your stupid test, my trades are in play you test-giving, annual-report-reading, balance-sheet-number-analyzing dufus."

1. "No matter what the stock price was/is, I got in 5 points lower than you, and got out 5 points higher."
2. "I was going to post a second sentence once, but I got IM'd by SMARTTRADR with a new play." (Apologies if there is such a person, this is intended as an example only.)
3. "I believe technical analysis is only useful if no-one can understand my interpretation."
4. "No I didn't buy that stock, but I had Jan 50 options, so I still made more than you."
5. "Gosh, I'm just so smart."

If you scored 0 to 15, you're in luck, you don't have it. If you scored 15-30, get yourself over to the Fool School immediately, there may still be hope. Between 30 and 50 means you have a serious case of TCFV. Your best course of action is to open an account with Merrill Lynch and only buy and sell what they tell you to, and as frequently as they say.

*Detailed Medical Mumbo Jumbo*

There's much debate about what causes TCFV, and as you might expect Dr. Yakko has a theory on this one. It's a little known character flaw in some people called human nature. Basic human nature makes people feel powerful when they think they know something others don't. Sharing these insights forgoes the advantage. There are many historical parallels:

- bosses use power to keep employees in line
- parents use it on teenagers
- brokers use it on clients
- analysts use it on brokers

Ironically, having the Too Cool for the Fool Virus usually results in less than average investment returns, since TCFV sufferers believe they are the only ones (along with other TCFV sufferers) who have any useful information, when the reverse is usually the case.

We must all practice safe posting folks. It's getting scary out there.

Transmitted: 5/17/96