The great thing about being a computer network troubleshooter is that it takes me to some cool places to shoot for trouble. Sure, digging around the config.sys files on a 386sx PC running terminal emulation software isn't exactly the cyber equivalent of "Die Hard"--- but when the client is a brokerage "hot room" on Wall Street, it can be fun.

That's where I found myself last week, inside a small but hectic trading office next door to the New York Stock Exchange. Traders all over the floor, yelling into their phones, glued to their Quotrons, glancing up occasionally to check the ceiling-mounted TV tuned to CNBC (though mostly ignoring it.)

Just watching these people in action was a treat. The trading was fast, and the shares were flying: Oracle, Cisco, Intel, Cube. All prices were referred to in fractions only, as the whole number was common knowledge. Sixteenths of a share were called "teenies," as in "Look out, Cisco's up a teeny!"

After being mesmerized for half an hour I realized I couldn't get in to the system file I had to fix, so I decided to come back at the market close. When I returned at 4:00 the traders were just beginning to balance the day's action. "What did I short Oracle at?" one guy asks, a little bewildered. Another is upset because a trade that opened two days ago wasn't closed as of Friday---a rather embarrassing oversight. "This is going to cost us $2400!" he moans to the guy responsible. He picks up the phone and dials a number. "Bob," he says, "I'm light ... shares of ... at .... Can you cover me?" He hangs up and turns to his colleague. "Thank God for Merrill Lynch."

Meanwhile, for another hour, the traders watched the action on the Arizona Stock Exchange. Arizona what? They explained that it's a clearing house, like Instinet, that matches buyers and sellers after the market closes. They had a direct computer feed from Arizona, and sat glued to the screen as the ticks flew by.

The one thing that struck me while watching all this was that these folks don't really know, or care, about the stocks they buy and sell. I heard one broker mistakenly refer to Intel as Microsoft a couple times. Oh well, minor details. And the only news on the tube that caught their attention was when Fidelity was reported to have lightened up on technology in favor of bonds. Did they show any interest in individual company fundamentals, or research? Nah.

It reminded me of what a broker friend said when referring to a book called "The Traders." That's what they do, he told me, they play the numbers. Just the numbers.

That's something to consider the next time anyone tells you what the "smart money" on the Street is doing. The "smart money" is playing the minute-by-minute numbers. Me, I'd rather invest. And, no, I don't care what the Arizona Exchange is quoting for Intel (or is it Microsoft?) at 5 o'clock. I've got better things to do. At least after I fix that trader's config.sys file.