A Suburban Legend
By Rick "The Mummy" Munarriz (TMF Edible)

The wind howled down Elm Street as the last batch of Trick or Treaters scurried home. Marcus Gone was alone, picking at the candy corn leftovers the costumed youngsters had passed over. The phone rang.

"Heyyyyy, Marcus," said the unfamiliar voice at the other end of the call, "It's Saturday night, do you know where your finances are?"

"Who is this?"

"Your worst nightmare."

Marcus hung up the phone. Who was this stranger taunting him? How did he know Marcus's name? How did he get his phone number? Better safe than sorry, he called the police to complain. They offered to trace the call and, with that, Marcus surfed through the poor selection of campy horror flicks on the tube, then turned it off.

Ring! Rrrrring!

"Don't you ever hang up on me again!"

Marcus shouted into the phone, "What do you want?"

"Time," the strange voice whispered. "Time is money."

"So if you are wasting my time, does that mean you intend to waste my money?" Marcus shot back, letting out a private smile.

"Wipe that smile off your face Marcus! It just doesn't become you. You think you know everything, but you are nothing without my sage advice on when to trade in and out of stocks, which load funds to buy and, oh baby, my commission-heavy estate planning roadmap."

"How did you know I was smiling?"

Marcus got a bit nervous. This time it was the cold caller who cut the phone call short. Maybe his financial life was in disarray. He had read about the Foolish Four but it seemed too simple a plan to really outperform the market. The numbers were there in black and white -- how professionally managed funds couldn't beat a personality-free index -- but it seemed impossible.

The phone rang yet again and Marcus tensed up. He did not want to answer. Could his foundation afford any more rattling?

With every ring the shrill became more and more deafening. He finally grabbed the receiver screaming, "Let me be!"

"Mr. Gone, this is the police. We have traced the phone call."

Marcus let out a sigh of relief, but it was to be short-lived.

"It is coming from inside... your... head!"