Fool Love Quiz
Fool for Love
February 11, 1998

1) When did the expression "heart-to-heart" first appear?

1. The 13th century
2. 1671
3. 1894
4. 1910
5. 1928

2) Who is the Greek Goddess of Love?

1. Venus
2. Madonna
3. Aphrodite
4. Minerva
5. Cupid

3) In which Beatles song is the phrase "and I love her" sung?

1. She Loves You
2. All My Loving
3. And I Love Her
4. Because
5. Why?

4) Valentine's Day is named after a Saint who hailed from which country?

1. France
2. Spain
3. Albania
4. Italy
5. Charlottesville

5) Which of the following is "I love you" in Afrikaans?

1. Ek het jou liefe
2. Te dua
3. Te dashuroj
4. Gosto De Ti, Porra!
5. War is die kleedkammer, alstublieft

6) "Ta gra agam ort" means what?

1. "Give me a pound of cashew nuts."
2. "The name is Valentine. Saint Valentine."
3. "I love you."
4. "I stubbed my toe."
5. Nothing whatsoever

* * *

1. The expression "heart-to-heart" first appeared around 1910. The phrase "hard-hearted" first rolled cruelly off the tongue in the 13th century, which was around the time that they were wheeling wooden carts from village to village filled with black plague victims. Heart attack (a.k.a. myocardial infarction) seems to have been coined around 1928. "Heart failure" made its first appearance in 1894. "Cockles of the heart" first appeared in 1671, and, in case you were wondering, means "the core of one's being." If you've ever heard it used outside the expression "warms the cockles of the heart," then send a note to TMF School.

2. Aphrodite was the Greek goddess of love and beauty. Venus was the Roman version. Yes, we know, they all built a lot of columns, so what's the difference? If you guessed Madonna you probably think the main language spoken in Latin America is Latin.

3. The phrase, "and I love her" is heard in "And I Love Her." This is but one of the many examples of perfect symmetry to be found in Beatles songs.

4. Saint Valentine hailed from Italy. We imagine his name was, more accurately, Santo Valentino. You may have thought that it was an alias for Thomas Jefferson, hence Charlottesville. Unfortunately, you were horribly, horribly wrong.

5. Afrikaaners, as they gaze lovingly into one another's eyes, with the rustling golden karoo desert behind them, whisper, "Ek het jou liefe." To an English-speaking person this may sound like, "I ate Joe's leaf." But be not misled.

In case you're wondering, the other answers are:
Albanian -- te dua and te dashuroj
Alentejano (Portugal) -- Gosto De Ti, Porra!
Alsacien -- Ich hoan dich gear
The last one is Dutch, but it means, "Can you please tell me where is the dressing room?"

6. "Ta gra agam ort" means "I love you" in Gaelic. Euphonologists the world over have long puzzled over the question of the "ort." What is an ort? Does it refer to the I, the love, or the you? Nothing seems to fit. Go ahead. Try calling your girlfriend an ort and see where it lands you.

-- David Wolpe (TMF Dbunk)