Play Dough
Baby, Oh Baby!

The new baby has come home. The crib is decked out all in pink, or blue, or some non-denominational color. The Dy-Dee Truck has been put on notice, and will come pick up the sack of soiled bundles of joy every Tuesday and Friday. You and your mate are as ready as can be for the inevitable sleepless nights, the accusatory glares when one of you has the gall to sit down for a moment, and the technological marvel of the breast pump.

But what about the brothers and sisters? If you already have a child and are expecting another, here are a few guidelines on how to manage the new arrival.

1) Prepare the sibling

Tell your child that a baby is on the way. You might want to feel your child out: how does she feel about having a baby brother? Most likely she'll love the idea, as kids love babies. If she's a toddler, read books to her. There are many wonderful books on the subject which explain how a baby grows inside a mommy, or which tell a story of how a child grows to love the new member of the family.

2) Have your friends make a fuss over the sibling

When friends are coming over to make a fuss over the new arrival, make sure that brother Bobby and sister Sally aren't left out. Talk to the friends before they arrive. Hang a reminder note on the front door handle, so your friends won't forget.

Make sure that they begin with the Bobby and Sally. "Bobby! You must be so excited! I see the way you're jumping up and down! Look what I brought for you!" Have them bring something for Bobby and Sally, as well as for the baby. It doesn't have to be big, but it should be something. The idea here is that Bobby and Sally associate the baby with something good, as a source of happiness, not as a 'new arrival who's getting all sorts of stuff while I'm getting squat.' Remember that Bobby and Sally are of an age where they can understand when someone is getting more than they are; the baby can't. Whose feelings are going to get hurt?

3) Explain about money

Some kids spend their whole lives with the idea that they aren't getting enough cool stuff because of their baby brother or sister. Be fair, be strong, and be clear: money doesn't grow on trees. It's true that you can't have everything, but you never could before, either. The fact that a new baby has arrived doesn't change the fundamental values of the family. As a matter of fact, there shouldn't be a huge change in your generosity with the arrival of the baby. Make it clear that it isn't the baby's fault: again, you want to encourage harmony.

4) Put some money aside for the baby. And the sibling.

The celebration of the birth is a great reason to start now. Given the power of compound interest, every year helps -- especially the later years. So start socking away money right away. If you haven't done it for the brothers or sisters, now's the best time to start for them, as well.

5) Involve the brothers and sisters

They want to hold the baby. Let them. They want to be proud of the baby, and hold the bottle. Let them. Let them, even though they get distracted by the cat on the windowsill, and the bottle falls from baby's mouth. Always (of course) be nearby when a child is holding the baby, near enough so that you could catch the baby if she were to totter or slip. Depending on the age of the child, it may be best to have him seated on the couch, with the baby on his lap. But resist the urge to make the baby off-limits -- instead, set limits.

--David Wolpe (TMF Dbunk)