Fool Quiz
New Year's Resolutions
December 31, 1997

If you can face the music without flinching,
If you can take a long, hard look in the mirror,
If you can tighten the reins on your conscience without wincing,
Then, Fool, you're ready for this gut-check Fool Quizzer.

Below are 10 resolutions, and the Deep Insights you'll need to follow them through.

Resolution #1: I will try to write less doggerel.

In Dryden's poem 'The Hind and Panther,' the bear is described as being:

1. Bloody
2. Hairy
3. Dun-toothed
4. Fire-eyed
5. Lumbering

Clue 1: Put out the fire
Clue 2: No lumber yards
Clue 3: Let it flow

A: Bloody. "The bloody bear, an independent beast, unlicked to form, in groans her hate expressed." Yep, that about describes a bear market, eh?

Resolution #2: "I will try to be less controlling."

A company existing primarily to exercise control over other firms via majority of shares is called a(n)

1. Empire builder
2. Custodial Parent Co
3. An Offshore Corp
4. Holding company
5. A Regent company

Clue 1: You're way Off
Clue 2: Beware the V'empire
Clue 3: Catch Holding Caufield

A: Holding company. Its earnings come from earnings of the controlled firms, which pay dividends on the shares.

Resolution #3: I will remember that there are more intelligent and creative ways of expressing oneself than swearing.

What does the 'F' at the end of some stock symbols represent?

1. Federally approved
2. Foreign company
3. Fined for cursing
4. Financial institution
5. Female CEO

Clue 1: So fine, NOT
Clue 2: No Feds
Clue 3: Outta this country

A: Foreign company. The stock is from a company based in a foreign country, like Canada. Or Mexico.

Resolution #4: I will found something!

What company's founder landed in the U.S. as a stowaway fleeing the German military draft?

1. Coors Brewing
2. Smith & Wesson
3. Edison International
4. Wal-Mart
5. E.F. Hutton

Clue 1: Didn't wearn his wesson
Clue 2: Tear down the wal
Clue 3: Make a batch of brew

A: Coors Brewing

All you had to do was remember that Coors' first name was Adolf; he hit Baltimore in 1868.

Resolution #5: No really! I *will* found something! (And if I can't found something, maybe I can find something.) At any rate, I'll then have enough money to be generous!

What company's founders gave 70% of the $200 million gotten from stock sales to favorite causes?

1. Ben & Jerry's
2. Apple Computer
3. Cisco Systems
4. Z Best Carpet Cleaning
5. Presstek

Clue 1: Not Cherry Garcia
Clue 2: Not the best answer
Clue 3: San Fran'Cisco

A: Cisco Systems. Among their causes was a Harvard professor looking for extraterrestrials.

Resolution #6: I'll strive to achieve moderation in all things.

According to the slogan, what can't you "eat just one" of?

1. Pringles Potato Chips
2. Ruffles Potato Chips
3. M&M's
4. Lay's Potato Chips
5. Starburst Candy

Clue 1: Don't Ruffle feathers
Clue 2: Beyond the stars
Clue 3: Take it as it lays

A: Lay's Potato Chips. Ruffles have r-r-ridges; pre-formed Pringles are barely considered a 'chip.'

Resolution #7: This past year, I was bad, bad, bad. This next year, I'll avoid getting into hot water.

Which product claimed to "Get into more hot water than anything?"

1. Celestial Seasonings
2. Swiss Miss Cocoa
3. Campbell's Instant Soup
4. Lipton Tea
5. Beef Bouillon

Clue 1: Don't miss it.
Clue 2: No instant gratification
Clue 3: It's a Lip lock

A: Lipton Tea. Lipton was among the first tea companies to use single-serving bags.

Resolution #8: No More Gossip! I'm through with tabloids, tabloid TV, stuff overheard at the water cooler, AND I'm sending those listening devices I bought as a joke back to Spy vs Spy in NYC.

Trading based on knowledge of upcoming events not publicly known, is called:

1. Internal Trading
2. Insider Trading
3. Malleus Mallefarcum
4. Technical Analysis
5. Vested Trading

Clue 1: No T & A
Clue 2: Divest yourself
Clue 3: Go inside

A: Insider Trading. It's an SEC violation and is subject to serious penalties.

Resolution #9: I will never again try to stuff my head into a small cap just because it's a smaller size -- same goes for shoes.

The primary reason to buy small-cap growth stocks is because:

1. Mutual funds like 'em
2. Mutual funds don't
3. They're low risk buys
4. They're easy to manage
5. They're so darn cute

Clue 1: Cut the cute stuff
Clue 2: Don't take it easy
Clue 3: It's mutual

A: Mutual funds don't. Getting in early on some of the great emerging growth stories of U.S. business is the draw of small-caps.

Resolution #10: I will stop procrastinating! I will add up all the money my broker has earned in commissions, then run the numbers on what it would have cost through a discount broker and compare the two. When I regain consciousness, I'll switch to a discount broker.

Full-service brokers are paid incentives based on how often your account...

1. Beats the market
2. Rises 7%
3. Rises 2.37%
4. Is transferred somewhere
5. Is traded

Clue 1: Downbeat
Clue 2: No lucky 7s
Clue 3: Activity is exciting

A: Is traded. Frequency of trades does not assure the best trading; such incentives may not be advantageous.

* * *

There! Now, follow through on all those, and you'll feel much better this time next year.

Happy New Year, Fool!

--David Wolpe (TMF Dbunk), M.A. McQuade (McTick)

(c) Copyright 1997, The Motley Fool. All rights reserved. This material is for personal use only. Republication and redissemination, including posting to news groups, is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of The Motley Fool.