Play Dough
Giving and Charities
December 24, 1997

"But I waaaaaaaaaant it!"

Since you've probably heard that phrase a few million times in the past couple of weeks, we won't dwell on it any longer. Let's talk about another phrase instead...

"I want to give it to someone."

How many times did you hear that from your child? It's so easy this time of year to think about all of the things that our kids want that sometimes we lose sight of the fact that for every gift they get, someone else was a giver. Whether it's Santa or Daddy or Aunt Ursula, someone cared enough for your child that they wanted to show their love by giving them a memento of that love.

How can you make that point to your child so that they really understand it, no matter what the holiday? And how can you encourage them to show that same care for someone else? Here are five tips:

1. Talk to your kids about giving in general. What holidays do you celebrate where people exchange gifts? What is it about the holiday that makes exchanging presents special? Talk to your kids about giving "life celebration" type presents for days like birthdays and anniversaries. Teach them about "tokens of affection" presents like Valentines Day and Christmas. Then explain how some gifts are meant to show respect, like flowers or a covered dish for the family that has lost a loved one.

2. Ask them to help choose a gift for someone. Talk to them about how you choose a particular gift for someone. Did you pick the book on trout fishing for your dad because he loved it as a kid and wants to get back into it? If you're going to buy a sweater for your sister, ask what color your child thinks she looks prettiest in. Show them that a gift could be something that the receiver wants, not necessarily something that you think is neat.

On the other hand, if your child thinks something is really cool, it can be a reason to share that enthusiasm with someone else. Would your uncle like a baseball cap from you son's little league team? If he's a big baseball fan he might. What a great way to share a part of your family with him!

3. Help them make a gift. Kids are almost always limited in the amount of money that they can spend. Help them to see that what they give isn't as important as the amount of love and care that goes into that gift. Help them to make small tokens of affection for the people they love. Cookies or drawings are always nice things to receive from a child.

4. Teach them to share their time. Spending a day with someone can be a great gift. Take your grandmother who lives in a nursing home out to lunch with your kids. Tell them it's her "special grandma day" and this is a way of saying that you love her. Teach them that they can do chores like cleaning out a garage or cutting the grass of someone who they'd like to give a present to.

And finally...

5. A tip for the grown-ups. If a child does give you a present that they've made, be sure and take it in the spirit that it's given. You'd be surprised how many adult friends have told me not to tell kids to make gifts. Why? Because they had horror stories of making something for someone when they were a youngster and it being unappreciated or worse, laughed at.

Make sure that you display prominently any artwork given to you by a munchkin and thank profusely any child who tries her best to help you do something. Remember, Van Gogh was 25 before he taught himself how to draw a chair that people could recognize as a chair. Your little Matisse could be a budding genius and your encouragement could be the thing that will make him keep at it.

--Trudy Hoyden
(TMF Hoyden)

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